was talking to my friend and realised, nowadays people get into relationship just to get out of it, not to mention its just to benefit them. this world is just scary. as naive or childish as it seems, i actually thought of having just one boyfriend in my life and that boyfriend would eventually become my husband. ahh k, i know it seems like some traditional thinking. lol. i'm sure people would say why not meet up with a few more guys you would definitely find better ones. but nah, that never crossed my mind. its not that i'm having the world's best boyfriend now but i always believe people have their own flaws, no matter how tolerant or good or rich or good looking their boyfriends are there will still be quarrels. and i always believe you have to treat people the way you want them to treat you.
and i think this is stupid. people always say looks doesn't matter. but hey, that's bullshit, cause when you dont know that person, its their looks that will attract you. their character that makes you wanna fall in love with them and the gifts that they give you which makes you fall deeper. not to mention that's one language of love. right?
in the past i didn't wanna get into relationship cause i'm afraid it wouldn't last and the ultimate reason was i didn't know what is love. i didn't know how to love or rather i don't wanna try, let alone getting in a relationship. that explained why i took so long to agree to just go out or talk on the phone with sean. thinking back, i still find it amusing that i'm actually in love now. nineteen months. if i were to say its long i kind of disagree with it, cause what is nineteen months compared to a few years of love.
then again, nineteen months of relationship taught me alot of things. i'm actually glad that i finally understood what sean told me, ' what you can do, you cannot expect people to be able to do.' i used to quarrel with him alot of times over this, cause i always think if i can do that for you, then why aren't you able to do that for me? we're humans, we've the same brains. but noo, for one reason or another, i can't explain this. it just work this way. the only reason i could think of is, guys and girls have different thinking.
for instance, in the past whenever sean wants something i would get it for him immediately when i've the money. okay, i know the saying goes ' you cannot expect anything in return.' but naturally as a girl, you would want your boyfriend to pamper you at times. though i didn't really tell him this, but deep down, yes i thought he would at least get it for me. but i realised you can't compare things like that. cause certain things that he do for you, you can't do it for him. for example, those little actions everyday. he would carry your bags or hold your stuff for you. but i'm sure you won't do it for him cause he's a guy. and not to mention, my boyfriend buys me food late in the night when i complain that i'm hungry. carry me like some superman, piggyback me when my legs are tired, get used to all my nonsense and silly questions, play with me like some seven year old kid, attempt to wrestle with me and the stupid submission thingy, take medicine with me when i'm sick though he's not. though i don't know if he really mean it at times, i'm just glad he had the thought. and i admit i can't do all these for him.
oh yeah, and i think i've actually changed. at least i think i did. i don't whine as much anymore cause sean hates it when i whine or complain to him. okay, nobody likes it. not only he's tired of listening it, i'm also sick of complaining the same old thing everyday. i used to think maybe if i complain to him more, he would get tired of it and eventually change. but noo, there'll just be more quarrels. so i got the point. if you can't change him, then either you get over it or change yourself. less complains, less troubles, less quarrels, less tears, less anger. and that's pretty much true.
poly days are drawing near and my friends are all scaring me with the thoughts that i might just lose my boyfriend. cause they said in poly everything's different, more friends, not to mention there will be other prettier and nicer girls out there. i'm not gonna let my brain run wild but i just hope that we would make it through. i wouldn't mind spending another nineteen months with you or rather i dont mind spending more nineteen months with you. cause i want you to carry me like a superman everyday though it kind of hurt when you didn't hold me properly. :D
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