STOP

i'm so tired of expectations and routines. or i should just say i'm tired of life, yet again. not mention i'm barely eighteen. this is getting nowhere.

i guess i'm always living by the expectations of people which unknowingly become a part of me. in secondary school, i'm just suppose to score well because the teachers expect me to do well. because my mom expects me to do well. its always like this. she always says i'm suppose to be better than my brothers so she doesn't really pay much attention to my studying process. its just the results that matter to her. all these then becomes a reason to why i must do well. well, i guess expectations sometimes do play in a part in motivating me to study. but time after time, it gets too draggy and annoying.

when exams are nearing i've to constantly remind myself that, i must study i must do well cause i don't want to let my mom down. then again, after saying that for ten years, it gets a lil' meaningless. but no matter how meaningless or tired it is, i still have to do it. that's just the irony i don't understand. i wish i could just not study for once. then again, i don't want to fail my modules. see, again another irony.

now i realise the purpose of having a blog cause it serves as a comfort corner to write down whatever can't be expressed through verbal conversation. not like after saying this to anyone, i'll feel better. its all the same old words that they'll be saying. ugh, no offence though.

ahh, i guess i'd better stop whining and get back to my notes. and guess what, i haven't even touched my poa at all. and the paper is on the 28th. how awesome. i always don't wanna pay attention to lectures because i always depend on sean to teach me. i just ought to slap myself about this and i'll study on my own this time.